It's FRIIIIIDAAAAY!!!

Happy Friday, also the eve of my 13th half marathon!  Tomorrow I'll be out and about at the crack of dawn to run my 3rd Brooklyn Half.   NYRR does a great job with this race, even though it's a pain to get to and I have to be up at 4am.  I also have PR'd every time I have ran it, although I'm not expecting much tomorrow.

Anyway....

Thing's I'm loving right now!

Trampolines!
I went to Skyzone for one of their Skyfit classes.  I have to say, I was expecting it to be easy, but it was pretty hard! The instructor even incorporated weights into the mix.  Definitely an awesome way to spend a birthday or a fun day date with the gals.

And if you can do this...even better!

Crossfit231
I'm back at it with a vengeance! A new box opened up at the end of my street, which means walking distance which also meant that I left Cobalt which I was loving, but was just not getting to. These guys are great, it's a bit of an older crowd which I really like.  Not that I am old, but it's nice to workout with people who are more my age (30's), also helps on the social angle.


8 pounds
Gone and NEVER coming back!  Now I just need to lose about 10 more.  I'm about 40 days off of wheat, life changing! Have I had trace amounts yes, but nothing obvious like a hunk of bread or a box of Cheeze-its.

What are you loving right now?

Woops, Forgot to post My Dec Recap!

Wow, December FLEW by!!!! 

In a nutshell...

Christmas, really awesome, lots of cool gifts exchanged and received (I love the giving part a little more though, seeing loved ones excited about a gift rocks).

NYE, it sort of sucked, which I think is normal. I'm always in a funky space, expectations out of control, me and the boy a little on edge....typical. I should add, the party we went to did not suck, in fact it was the perfect quiet night with friends.

Working out, hmm...let's see....I got in a few Crossfit sessions, I ran some miles, the longest being 8 miles in the snow in Central Park (amazing).  I went back to spin and embraced the 'mill. Oh and I placed first in the Athena category at the Ho Ho Ho run!  Not a PR, although I was only off by about 30 seconds which completely amazed me.

Weight, gained back those same damn 3 pounds.  I'm back to square one.  Nutritionist tomorrow.  Why do I suck at losing weight???? 

Random, Ranger game with front row (literally behind the bench) seats, executive suite. Pink concert with my dad, also up in the suites, a party with the coolest tri team around.

I'd say Dec was a hit!

Breaking the Streak

I broke my streak! AHH! To be fair, I was up at 4:30, in the pouring rain, to go ski.  I think the new rule is run everyday except for ski trips, because realistically I can always get in one mile. 

I've managed daily crossfit and running and almost no bagels.  My nutritionist will be happy, hopefully. 

The goal was to consume no man made carbs (with the exception of Thanksgiving) to see a jump in weight loss and to cleanse me from what is seriously a full blown carb addition (I know! That sounds ridiculous, but it's true!!).  I failed, but I'm down I think 2 pounds (of the 3 I had gained back). 

Tomorrow I weigh in. 

And somehow this post went from my running streak to weight loss.  Sigh...

My Feet Hurt

This morning I got up and my feet hurt, not bad, but enough to make me scratch my head considering I haven't even run long yet.  Tue was a 9 miler, Weds spin class and last night I ran 7 with old running partner.  My sneakers are too new, maybe the last 10 weeks have finally caught up to my feet? Who knows.

Last night was tough, we ran 7 miles at a pretty steady 9:40 pace.  We chatted the whole time and the air quality sucked so naturally my breathing felt off.  I used to love running in the heat, not the case this year!  I'm not part of the whole "I can't wait for fall and pumpkin everything" bandwagon, I love the summer, maybe too much, but my running is craving fall temps and no humidity.

So back to my feet, I think I'll try and get the boy to give me a foot massage tonight. Sarcasm at it's finest...  He does not understand why I run, he also doesn't understand why I'm not super skinny when all I do is run, but then I neither do I. According to science, marathoners usually gain weight when training, that's why I'm thrilled to say I'm down 8 pounds!

Easy Breezy Training Week #8

What a relief to not have a super long run!  I needed this break in training, especially after my really hard 20 miler.

I ran a total of 26 miles, one 8 miler, two 7's and a down and dirty 3 miler for good measure. Nothing earth shattering, the first 7 I ran with friends and we took it slow, the rest were on my own and probaly around a 9:40 pace. No record breaking runs, but that's what a recovery week is for.

This week I'm shifting things around a bit to accommodate a 20 miler this week instead of next.  Training partner and I both can't run, she's doing a tri and it's my birthday weekend so we are swapping out weeks. Last night I ran 3 super speedy miles, hoping the weather holds out so I can head up to the Cow Harbor training runs.  I didn't make it up there once last year or the year before so I'm hoping to make it tonight.  Other than that, I'm down into the 150's (for real this time) and I'm feeling really good limiting the wheat.  Now I just need to curb my fro-yo addiction!!

I Just Ate A Bagel And Didn't Really Like It...

Yup, absolutely true story.  I went to the Bean, grabbed a chai latte (new addiction) and a bagel, maybe the 2nd one I've had in about a month and a half (new record) and am happy and shocked to report that I'm over it.  I would have rather had my oatmeal. Progress!!

Happily Full!

I'm stalled again with my weight loss.  I'm around 161, haven't gained which is miraculous as I didn't really  eat all that great this week, but I'm not losing sight of the goal.  I basically have done none of what I had planned on doing since the last time I met with my food coach, but I have a week to make it up to her! I'm hoping to get back on track this week so when we meet next Tue I have something good to say!

All in all, I'm happy with the coaching.  I'm down close to 7 pounds, off coffee and for the most part fake sugar (although I have had a few diet soda's here and there). I feel better and I'm on the right track, so it's all good!

This weekend was one of those really fun, lazy kind of weekends that I just love!  Fri was more of the same thing is always is: meeting, diner and then Chris and I went back to my house and passed out.

Emm and Deb

Sat we went to brunch at our favorite spot, Glenn's with our friend Tony then hit up the Music and Arts Festival in the Village.

 It turned out to be a great day so we spent a few hours in town shopping and checking out the musicians, 2 of whom we knew Emmy (my fake sissy) and our friend Deb. Then I got locked in the town jail...totally by accident...I hate boys!

Sun was a beach day with the girls then dinner at the club with some friends which if I was a decent blogger I would have taken a few pics...oh and I KILLED the NYRR Celebrate Israel run. My Garmin had me at an 8:49 average pace, NYRR has me at a 9:03, either way I'll take it! I'm thinking this race may have put me up into a new corral.  Yay #wishful thinking!  

I love summer weekends, running, food friends, hanging in my neighborhood...couldn't ask for a better way to spend a few days off!

Good Eats

I have been to the best of my ability cleaning up my food and for the first time in a looong time I can say that I'm actually sticking with my plan! Woohoo!

I met with my food coach again and we talked about adding in some new to me whole grains.  I'm down with it, plus she gave me some millet to try.  Not sure what I want to do with it yet, but I have a few ideas for some fun side dishes.  Anyone have ideas?

I've completely eliminated caffeine - yes, that means no coffee.  It's been 22 days and I have never felt better.  It's crazy how good I feel, I also think that has to do with the fact that I have also given up fake sugar with the exception of a few Stewart's diet root beers. No more stomach pain! And I hardly feel tired.

I'm still struggling a bit with the sugar, but I have cut waaaaay back on my intake, same with bready like things.  No bagels, but I find myself craving cakey things so for now I'm satisfying that need with Vitatops. I love those bad boys!! I have also added in a ton more fruit, and for this non-fruit love it's a big deal!

I think the coach is working out, I like the accountability and the incite she gives.  It also helps that she's a friend and one of my running partners.  Which is a nice segway....

Running!

 I took Monday off as a planned rest day then ended up having to take Tue off as well.  Last night I was rushing and by the time I ran it was after 8, wet out and almost dark so I squeaked in a 2.5 miler.  So short, but it felt great to runnnnn!!!!  Hoping to run 4 tonight, swim tomorrow then 10 on sat and a possible 5k race on Sunday.

Ahh, running and good foods makes this gal happy! And hopefully skinny!!

Oh April, Where Did You Go?

It's been quite the month, lots of stuff happened which led me to be a little quiet on the blogging front. But WOW, when I think about it, the month flew by!  I had a hefty list of goals to conquer and while I didn't make them all, I'm happy with the progress made.

First things first, I'm down about 5 pounds! FINALLY. 

Here is the story with that - stomach flu was the catalyst (yuck), I gave up caffeine (14 days!), decided to commit to working with a health coach (yay for accountability) and have really cleaned up my food (limiting all whites big time).

Hooray for me.

Ok, so the other goals...well let's just say I was crazy in my head, no yoga, didn't commit to a tri but I did kick a little ass at work, I ran the hills and got in one swim per week. Boom!

Ok May, here is is....

Continue to lose weight
Continue to kick work's ass
Stretch or get back to yoga, I'm waaaay too tight
Get on the bike
Smile more often
Keep up with my morning readings to help stay out of my head, feel my feelings about the breakup (woa sappy)

Tonight I'm back to the hills then a swim tomorrow then rest or light activity...Long Island Half is Sunday and while I'm using it as a training run, I don't want to have dead legs. I'm excited for this race, have never ran it and it's a biggie.  I'll rep my new "hills" team shirt and hopefuly kick some ass!

Quick Monday Check in

Because I really need to work, and not play, today's post will be in bullets.

Lazy, yes?  Smart, also yes.

• The weight in: still have to do that, but I think I'm down 3.  This morning was hectic, Chris was still asleep, I was running late and the scale was under his side of the bed.  Will post tomorrow. (ed note: down 2.5 for a total of 165.5, holler!)
• Diet:  logged all my food, tried not to eat my "gym" calories (I guess I would call them activity points if I was doing WW).  Tried to make better choices over the weekend, hopefully I succeeded, minus the Thin Mints (damn you Girl Scouts of America!!!) and movie popcorn (damn you butter!).
• Pros: cooked all my breakfasts and dinners (except one), lunches were chopped salads.  Ate out only on weekend - Glenn's for breakfast, Thai and dinner with my parents.
• Cons: shitty attitude at work on Fri got me in a little bit of trouble.  Opps.  Lessons learned!
• Workouts: swam just over 400M, spin class, weights,  ran 3x - 2, 3 milers and a 5 miler.

And I just signed up for the Brooklyn Half! Wahooooo!

What A Difference A Few Days Make!

Sooooo....I'm doing great, haven't cried or killed anyone yet and am actually down a few pounds....

So let me start with this, I'm sure a lot of what I'm down is most likely water weight.  My Monday weigh in was 167, high but also somewhat accurate (I should also note I have a huge meatball parm hero Sunday night...last meal!). I weighed into today on my digital and the gym scale  - 163.5 and 162ish.  I had wanted to see if there was a major difference between scales and there really isn't but I'll likely weight myself on both once a week until I feel comfortable with my weight.  I still like the idea of hiding the scale, but right now I am determined and I need to be accountable, so weighing in is critical.

Food has been clean and all homemade (except for chopped salads for lunch), I feel really good, have had minimal "bad carbs" and am overall happier.  I guess you could say a big weight has been lifted.  One thing I need to think about is week 2, this is where I crash and burn.  But today I am in the middle of week1 so I'm going to try and keep my feet where my head is!

I'm still toying with the idea of running the half on Sunday.  Some guys from my club are running it super slow, so I may jump in and run 10 with them.  I'll see what the weekend has in store for me first, if not I will likely get in 5 or 6 on my own.   I know I'm not ready for a speedy 10, but I can likely handle their slow 11:30 pace, lol.  Last night I ran my first day of spring 3 miler in my hood, docks and back.  It was quick (as in only 3 miles), gorgeous out and predictable - my favorite.  This morning I lifted: bosu squats, overhead squats, push press and tri's.  The addition of the tri's was a little odd, but I always like to work that area when I can.

So there you have it, a recap....

Sometimes simple works. 

167

I could link to a million posts about this one, but awhile back when I was really heavy and had just torn my ACL and was sort of freaked out by not being able to workout to balance out all the crap I was eating I decided to follow the FAA food plan.  It was life changing and I was changing, not just my weight, but my taste buds. I craved salad and veggies and genuinely wanted to eat clean and healthy.  I was on this path for I'd say 6 months or so, then BAM as quickly as I changed my ways, I was back to eating crap and it all started with 1 cookie.

I'd like to blame that cookie, but I know that I was itching to eat junky stuff, was lax on my food plan and was allowing more sugars and bad carbs in.  So while that cookie in a weird way gave me permission to eat "bad" it also signified that I may have an actual problem with food.

I have become very aware that I am a carboholic.  I crave goldfish crackers, bagels and pizza.  In my mind those foods equal a complete full balanced day's worth of meals. I could be completely happy and content.  But I know better. 

This  blog has allowed me to write out some feelings about food and life and running and balance, but it has also shown me that my way is not the best way - when I try to diet, I fail, and I fail because I go crazy carb heavy and my body rebels. And OH MY is my body rebelling.

I have been feeling pretty crappy, stomach pain, lethargic (despite at least 7-8 hours of sleep on the reg).  My face has been feeling numb, just weird stuff.  I've also been eating pizza, bagels and instead of the goldfish, PB Cheerios. Tons of flour and wheat, which means time to cut it out.  I've always followed  up on celiac and gluten sensitivity.  I think I secretly hoped that I too would have celiacs so I would be forced to cut out the flour's and wheat's for real.  I guess I have been looking for that easier softer way. But I'm here to tell you, no dice on the easier softer way, success = work.

So this morning I weighed myself.  I'm 167.  I'm usually between 164 and 167, I will back up my weight on the gym scale tomorrow (day off today).  I will work for this.  I will earn it.  I might cry, but I want to be in a bikini and I will make that happen.  I will plan meals and workouts and stick to the meal planning (the working out is easy peasy, I love it and rarely miss unless something really comes up).

I will do this because seriously, how many times am I going to say and not do?

I may even join a contest on a forum somewhere (maybe on Daily Plate or Runners World...anywhere) so that I am extra accountable.

I just know that I HAVE to do this.  I want to feel kick ass good and not have a flabby stomach. I want to be successful at the last thing I'm having trouble finding success with.  I have let go of the fear, I have the willingness and I have the drive.

So today I'm 167. Let's see where I am at next Monday...

Starting Over

I'm starting over, turning over a new leaf, taking a chance that I'll get through the fear and really make a change.

I am going to do what it takes to lose weight.

March 2nd is my official start date.  I got up this morning, went to spin, lifted and made the decision to give it up, all of it, the fear of success, the fear of failure, the fear of never being able to lose these last 20 or so pounds.

I read a meditation, and then thought about it long and hard over an egg sammy (1 yolk, 1 white and a veggie sausage...yum). and here I am, once again making a public statement but this time I'm motivated, driven and ready to succeed.

In Dec I hit a low of 159, for about a day, but still I was under 160.  Today I clocked in at 167.  I was once 211, so I'm no stranger to the process.

Like my meditation this morning said: "May I not be afraid to change" and today I am not afraid to change.

Wow.  That was deep.

Ok, so what are my plans? Still figuring it out, but I know I have to really get rid of the sugar.  So there's that.  I also know I need to continue to track food.  Because I've been consistently tracking I can see where I get tripped up - nut butters and snacking.  I HAVE to pick better snacks.  Not sure about limiting the nut butter, I'm only having 1 serving a day, and not even every day.  It's the sugar and the snacking that are killing me.  


So just for today I am going to say no to sugar.  I can do this.  


I'm good with the exercise, I'm getting my sweat on daily and big running starts up now for the half.  

Whew. Taking the first step is half the battle.  Lets do this!

I Moved The Scale

The scale is both my friend and enemy.  I like to know where I stand, but when that number fluctuates, I may or may not get a little evil to be around.

I've been on a crazy-weigh-my-self-obsessively kick lately.  Sometimes 2x a day, and for sure every day, but I only "count" my Monday morning number.

All this weighing in business is exhausting so I have moved the scale. Drastic measures people!

 For now it's under my bed, but I may move it to the basement. It's time to focus on healthy eating, not a number. 

I'm still a little all over the place with the quitting Crossfit thing, but part of me feels relieved which makes me think it really is time to go.  I'm still active until March 1, so I will definitely make a few classes.  CF became this rigid thing for me, if I didn't make a certain number of workouts it was a waste of money, and there wasn't a lot of flexibility.  For instance, today is going to be close to 55 degrees so I'm hoping to run, but I haven't make a single CF workout since last week, normally I would have a resentment and go just so I wasn't wasting money, today I'm like who cares, just go for the run...It's nice to just do, not fret about the dollars and cents of a workout!

Crossfit, Weight and Fear of Failure

I had a big "come to jesus" talk with my Crossfit coach this week, we spoke about my sometimes frustration, my dedication and overall if this is for me. I've been Crossfitting for awhile now and I've seen some change but I constantly question the HUGE monthly fee and if it's worth it.

Two things I know for sure, in order to be successful I need to 1. clean up my food and 2. work harder. Plain and simple. For whatever reason I'm stuck on carbs (the junky ones) and they are really what is killing me. Oh, and ice cream too. But I know I will reap the rewards if I make these little changes.

Since our talk I've had two very good workouts. We talked about my form and my function - form is spot on, I was trained well prior coming to Fusion, I'm not really working on my function, really powering through. I should feel totally wiped after a workout. You know those pics of people laying on the floor when a wod is done...yea, that's not me. So the new focus is upping my intensity which I have done big time my last two workouts.

Next up is the diet, which it seems, is always next up...

I figure if I keep blogging about it I'll eventually do something about it, right? RIGHT?!?!?

I recently read a post from one of my favorite bloggers. She sums up better than I could about what has been going on for me - fear of failure. I guess I'm afraid that if I do the work, the real hard work and fail, it wouldn't have been worth it. All this time I have been afraid of my own success. Don't get me wrong, I'm also afraid of the work, the uncomfortableness that comes along with dieting. But I've been here before and SUCCESSFULLY lost weight. So today I'm going to focus on doing - forgetting about the fear and just powering on.

When I was Heavy

I really love running. I'm sometimes so amazed by this fact because I was fat, like woa fat. I lost and have kept off about 46 pounds, although the original total was closer to 53.

You can really see the difference here:

Today I'm in the low 160's...hoping to get to the 140's, or whatever weight will make me look good in a bikini.

Even when I was heavy I was a somewhat active - a spin class here and there, a few Century rides, but I was not fit. Today I'm active and fit and so, so grateful. I can walk up stairs and not get winded, I can run, I can swim, I can go faster than the skinny girls out there. I may not be exactly where I want to be size wise, but I'm happy and that's what really matters.

Being so heavy was not pleasant, but I was a huge self medicator so I don't think I really ever knew how bad I felt, I just know it was a bad time. It's been a few years with the weight off and I've never been happier, like seriously wake up everyday happy.

So how did I do it?

I was literally brought to my knees with powerlessness. I tore my ACL about 4 years ago skiing, at that time I was maybe 180ish (on the high side after losing about 20lbs on Jenny Craig), working out and running but still heavy. I went skiing, fell on a mogul and bammm, no more working out. I had heard about a food support group, FAA and I decided to check it out. I went to the meetings, followed the food plan and lost the weight. I eventually started eating "normal" and gained back about 15 pounds, which I have lost about half of that.

I struggle with bad carbs and I had pretty much eliminated all sugar/flour/wheat from my diet. Grains, rice and potatoes were ok, but the stuff that kills me were eliminated - pizza, bagels, brownies - the stuff that I seriously love to eat.

Today I'm working to figure out a balance and believe it or not, I'm almost back to where I was - I just hurt that same knee all over again and I need to reevaluate my food and how I'm eating.

This morning while driving to work I was thinking about that day 4 years ago and how I was so afraid that I would gain weight by not being able to exercise, I was pretty much panicked (which for me usually means powerless) and so my journey began.

I'm wondering if the same thing is happening to me again? I clearly see that I exercise to sometimes compensate for what I'm eating - I don't do this in a disordered way, but I won't worry about the bagel if I know I'm going to run, which is probably why my weight isn't really moving much.

I've been posting about goals and weight and all that, but being back in pain with the though of not being able to run off the Goldfish crackers leaves me to believe that my higher power may just be doing for me what I can't(or won't) do for myself. Some food for thought (pun intended), but entirely possible...

On Breaks and General Business and Weight and Boys and....

I have to remind myself that breaks have to happen, and although I may feel lazy, I'm not, just a little busy.

Last week I only Crossfitted 2 days, but I also ran twice (both 3 miles). The weekend was busy with family things and boy things and overall good things, so three miles was all I could squeeze in.

The plan was to go to Fusion last night, but I had to pick up CC (the boy, we are back, don't judge, but something truly miraculous happened, post to follow) from the car place so I had to scrap that plan. Tonight is secret santa at the office and a doc appointment so it looks like I'll have another day off. I don't mind taking the time off, but the crazy thing is that I MISS working out. Like a lot!

Other news, I'm out of the 160's, which I have been sitting in for quite sometime, I'm am beyond happy abut this one. I can see my body changing from Crossfit and overall I'm a better stronger runner. I can't wait to see how I improve and change over this next year.....hmmm....I smell a "2012 Goals for the Year" post coming soon :)

4 lbs, 2nd Summer Series Race and a Life Recap

Woa, I have been a bad blogger. Last week I was not feeling anything, hence the lack of posts. I'm hoping for a better week!

Monday was the 2nd Summer Series run over at Sunken Meadow, home of Cardiac Hill!My strategy is always to run for fun, not for time (1:03), the race is too crowded and bottle necks up in spots, but it's an awesome 10k course with hills, grass, roads and dust! LOVE IT! I felt strong, even on Cardiac Hill and basically just enjoyed the scenery. I didn't hang for the after party, which was ok since I saw a bunch of people before the race started.

So after battling with my weight these past few months, I made the decision to go back to my food plan...4lbs gone, I'm pretty sure I made the right decision (I will write a separate post on this later).

Overall life has been good, I'm just mellow. Still working through the feelings about the boy. Had a date, not my type, but still nice to get out there! Went to a bunch of parties, baby showers and comedy shows, ran a million miles for the week...not too shabby for a single gal :)

1st Summer Run Race

Monday was the first of the Summer Run Series, always a great time and something I missed not participating in last year. I wasn't expecting to PR, although I was about a minute off, but I had fun, saw some people I hadn't seen in a while and ran a solid 48:19, 9:39:48 pace. I was really happy with my effort, my pace was pretty steady except for mile 3 where I got tripped up at the water stop, other than that the race was perfect.

Tue was a spin day and yesterday was an off day, today I'm supposed to lift and try and fit in a yoga class, but I might run the 6 that's on tap for tomorrow. I have plans tonight and there is no yoga class, plus I'm feeling lazy, it's funny how a few slow days can make me feel like it's been forever since I had a solid workout - a definite change in attitude, I'd say!

I've been a little funky this week, which is OK, because I know it will pass, but it still sucks! Food has been so, so. After reviewing my log from last week it is painfully obvious that my body just can't handle carbs or sugar, even though I'm within my calorie range and working out a ton, I'm not losing. The plan is to eat whatever carb heavy stuff I have in the house (which is not much, and all pretty healthy) then go back to what I've been dreading - my FAA program. In order to be true to myself, I have to admit defeat, no matter how I slice it I just can't do sugar/flour/wheat...so I'm waiving the white flag and surrendering!

Back To Basics

As my good buddy Richie the Copy used to say...stay in basics and you don't ever have to worry! So true!

I'm still doing Weight Watchers, but I'm going to go back to what worked for me - eliminating sugar, flour and wheat. I felt good, lost weight and wasn't so obsessed with wanting crave worthy binge foods. Today will be day 2 and I feel pretty good, and I didn't have the delicious homemade cake that was in the office, total bonus!

I'm also back on the sponsor hunt (12 step talk for those who don't know). I want to keep what I have, so I have to keep doing what I was taught!

I'm looking forward to my after work run, it should be in the upper 60's and sunny which is exactly what I'm needed right now! Planning on 4 miles then to the gym for a strength workout if I have time. Can't wait to clear my head over a good run!

For The Love Of Bagels!

So I lost 1.8 lbs this week, which helps with the 3(!!) I gained last week...yikes. But then in true self-sabotaging form, I had Wendy's. So random, I don't even really like fast food. I'm going to blame it on the boy, well, not him, more the breakup. Ok, I feel better now!

I want to try and lose 2 this week, that will put me back on the losing side of things.

This morning I had this, which is not going to help with my 2lb goal, but I love them so (and I ate the other half!!).

I mean how bad can they really be!