Last night I ran the Selden Hills which are my absolute new obsession and the best thing to happen to my running since I started running. Basically we run 6 miles of the absolute largest hills that Long Island has to offer (or at least I think so). It's a total challenge and I'm hooked. This group means business and they are SPEED DEMONS which basically means if I hang with them and run these hills I'll be kicking ass come summer/fall. Hooraaaah!
This is a fast group and both times I have been in the back of the pack which is cool. Last night I was dead last and quite frankly a little nervous. I had only done the course one other time so I wasn't sure of the exact route which basically meant I would: 1. have to somehow keep up or 2. get lost and figure out my way back. I opted for #1.
So here I am trucking along, in the rain no less, but the cool thing was I kept going, one foot in front of the other. I didn't stop and I didn't look back, I just kept at it. It got me to thinking about the last year or so of my life and I was able to make some pretty cool parallels. I have been looking back instead of trucking ahead, going in the wrong direction. I have no regrets, but by not moving forward one step at a time I turned myself right round into that very relationship that just doesn't serve me well. We all have our course to take and for me that included another go around with the boy, which I needed...I now see so very clearly why this can't work and how much more I am worth and that I don't need to settle. This was a settle, was there love, absolutely but there was also the battle of dealing with someone who has a lot of work to do. I've been there, done that so I get it, I just don't have to live it.
I'm grateful for a ton of things today, but I will always look back at last night and those hills and give a little shout out for being last and having to face some very real stuff. Running is cool like that. We work stuff out while logging miles, some good, some not so good, but I think we can all say that we feel better when it's done.